Date: Sat, 31 Jan 1998 17:27:40 -0800
Jason Lane
To: spikers@usa.net
Subject: your scream story
Spike- I know you requested no negative mail but this is constructive criticism. First of all, the beginning of the story is basically the same as the original SCREAM.
Your beginning has to be more original. Check this out. The beginning should start with Jodi leaving her house in a car.(no phone calls while she's in the house) Have
the car have a car phone and have her get the calls from there. (how about that for an origingal spin) Father death will be talking to her while she's driving the car.
Just make sure she live in the middle of nowhere, so while she's driving, there are no houses or cars in sight. When she finally has to come to a stop sign/light, boom,
father death kills her. Secondly, don't have your characters think so damn much. I mean, if you were getting stabbed in the gut, would you be thinking "if only I had
locked the back door." Hell no! You wouldn't think shit, you'd be too busy screaming. Oh, how old are you? The only reason I ask this is that your writing reminds me
of about a 12-14 year old. You have to throw in some swearing. There is only so many times I can read "jerk" and "kiss up". I mean, if someone is pissed off they
wouldn't say "oh, you jerk". They'd be like "fuck you asshole!" Also, Cathy was way obvious as being the killer. You can't have her thinking, "you'll be mine again."
Oh, you have too many people seeing the detective at one time. Space out the interviews out a little more. In between the interviews build up the story a little more.
Introduce some more characters damn it! Your story is way too short. If your story were to be a movie, it would last all of five minutes. More people have to die! You
need more of a plot. Anyways, I have more suggestions, but I'm not going to bother writing them down if you don't take the ones I have already written into
consideration. Later,
Randy's twin brother
email: Lane1670@splava.cc.plattsburgh.edu